Motivation & Self Improvemet 4u - 9

The Secret to Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy! Money, relationships, power, success, fitness, meditation, spirituality, religion etc. are all ways through which we seek happiness, but happiness often turns elusive! Some of us spend an entire lifetime seeking it…exploring different ways of reaching it, sometimes we find it …at times it disappears before we can reach it!

Is there secret to happiness? A mysterious path that only a few are aware of? A path to happiness does exist, but it’s not mysterious, it’s a secret that we are all aware of subconsciously. There are three important milestones that lead to it.

Milestones of happiness


Live in the moment
Happiness lies in the moment, but very few of us actually live in the present. We either live planning for or worrying about the future or lose touch with the present while mentally dwelling in the past. If only we could live in the moment we would experience the joy of living. After all it’s only the present which is real. The future is unknown, it does not exist in the now. The past is long gone; its existence over. When you live in the moment you can laugh without worrying about what tomorrow will bring, you can work without thinking about the results; you can live without the fear of dying!

Be Happy now

Don’t postpone your happiness! Most of us bind our happiness in terms and conditions. We tellourselves we’ll be happy once we have achieved this goal or fulfilled that wish. Yet, the moment we reach our desired goal, we set up a new one and tell ourselves that we’ll find happiness only when we reach the new goal and so on and on. We tempt ourselves with the promise of being happy but never keep our word. For instance, you may tell yourself, “God! Just let me get that job and I’ll be the happiest person in the world!” Fate favors you and you get the job, so you should be happy now, but alas! Happiness is not so simple for us humans. You’d probably then tell yourself “alright now that I have the job, I’ll be really happy once I get that promotion!” and the terms and conditions never end. To be happy, make a choice, of being happy now with whatever you have.

Appreciate life. Appreciate yourself

Envying others seems to be a long held habit! It starts from childhood and goes on for the rest of our lives. “Oh! He’s got a better toy!”. “Boohoo! She got better grades! ” “Damn! He got the job I wanted! “Their relationship seems so perfect, why can’t I have something like that!” “Their children visit them so often!” Cry, cry, cry, that’s all we do. We compare ourselves to others, see what they’ve got and spend a lifetime feeling sorry for ourselves. Truth is, no matter how much you’ve got there’ll always be someone who has more! Wouldn’t it be nicer if we accepted and appreciated what we have? Counting our blessings is a sure shot way to achieve happiness. Appreciate yourself for who you are, celebrate every little accomplishment, and celebrate every cherished relationship. Live in the Now, and you’ll find joy in every moment.

Happiness is not something that we need to chase, it lies within us. We have the power to make our lives beautiful; all that we need to do is to realize it.

Motivation & Self Improvement 4u - 8

Anger Management Techniques for Teens: 3 Great Tips To Deal With Anger

These days, there is a great need for people to learn about anger management techniques for teens. Teenagers today deal with so many personal issues and yet know very little about handling them the right way.

Unfortunately, this lack of knowledge gets them into all sorts of trouble. Teens have the tendency to release all their negative energy onto other people (and even themselves) and do things they later regret.

However, there are better ways to deal with anger, and these three anger management techniques for teens will show you how.

1) Learn to relax.

When you’re angry, everything about you is agitated. Tense. Feeding this agitation will only serve to make you angrier.

In order to prevent the situation from getting worse, calm yourself down. Think of the people who make you happy and feel your body muscles relax.

2) Focus on solving the problem.

One of the most important anger management techniques for teens is to divert the focus on the solution, not the problem.

Don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Instead of focusing on the negative feeling, focus on the possible solutions to the problem. Look at it from a different point of view and try to figure out what you can do to make things better. Do this one step at a time.

3) Find a creative outlet.

If there’s nothing you can do to solve the problem at the moment, find a creative outlet. This is one of the most effective anger management techniques for teens because it does not only help you release aggression in a healthy way; it also paves the way for the discovery of new skills and hobbies. You can try drawing or writing in a journal for starters.

There’s nothing wrong with being angry or even letting it all out. What is important is that you don’t get yourself into trouble for it, and that you express your anger in a healthy way. Hopefully, these three anger management techniques for teens will help you achieve that.

Motivation & Self Improvement 4u - 7

Stress and Anger Management Services

When we say anger management it refers to a system of psychological therapeutic techniques and exercise by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce the triggers, degrees, and effects of an angered emotional state.

Well, have you been try yelling a lot lately? Yeah, it's right even the calmest people have moments when it seems that nothing but yelling will do. There comes a time that you may yell to your children once in a while, or you may yell at your spouse for what seems like no reason, but don't worry this is often a result of too much stress. However, when you find that you are yelling every single day and the tiniest things seem to set you off, you may be in need of some anger management.

Don't think automatically that anger management is a program that you have to go through. If you are not violent, and just loud, there may be things that you can do on your own to alleviate some of your stress and resulted to cut down some of your feelings. Perhaps, this type of anger management can be done by learning relaxation techniques like yoga, or the breathing that comes with it, and even finding a way to vent problems and frustrations that might cut down on the tension. Journals can help, both online and paper.

We all know that working with other people can be a huge challenge. I have been working over the years as social worker and I have been working with different areas. My training and continuing education credits have concentrated on children with mental illness. Usually, children tend to be opened to addressing their issues; however adults usually get defensive and angry if it suggested that they also need help.

Actually, the nature of my work is working with resistive clients. Many clients that I work with have been ordered through a court hearing to cooperate with services. Having someone ordered to work with me, especially if they have anger or control issues sets the relationship up to be a rocky one. Many times the courts will also order people to attend anger management courses. Because this is a common requirement of the courts there are many mental health centers that offer anger management. Based on my knowledge that working with several mental health professionals to insure that there are specialized groups for the participants. It is important that all people with anger issues are not lumped into one group setting. I think it is helpful for people with domestic abuse issues to be in anger management classes with other domestic abusers.

Particularly, another issue is anger management with teenagers. However, there are times that anger comes from feelings of not being heard or being misunderstood. It is common for a teen to feel angry because they are caught between the years of childhood and adulthood. They are not old enough to do many of the things that they want to do and yet are too old to be cuddled. Most teens concentrate their anger towards their parents; there are a few that express anger towards all authority. In fact, teenage anger management usually works on healthy ways of expressing anger. It is important that teenagers learn that everyone gets angry from time to time and that it is alright to let people know that you are angry as long as you do so in a way where the other person feels safe around you. Healthy expression of anger is the goal of all anger management courses. Teaching techniques of how to express yourself and how to diffuse anger are key elements for a health group process.

Unfortunately, you can do also some anger management by thinking about what is is that makes you angry. I know that you may feel unappreciated, or you may just be in over your head with all that you do. That means you may have to ask someone to take some of the work off of your shoulders so that you don’t feel so overwhelmed all of the time. Always bear in mind that, if people in your household are stressing you out above and beyond what you think is fair, you have to talk to them about it. Although, this can be a hard part of anger management, but it will do you good in the end.

Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

Motivation & Self Improvement 4u - 6

How to be more assertive?

Do you find it hard to put your foot down?

Are you unable to voice your opinion?

Do you feel your loved ones and friends sometimes treat you like a doormat?

Is it difficult for you to say “NO”?

Do you often find yourself going out of your way to oblige people, even when you don't want to?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you are not being assertive enough. The problem is many people simply do not see “being assertive” as a positive trait. In fact being assertive is often confused with being aggressive. The truth is that aggression is a negative emotion which has its roots in anger, while being assertive is a positive emotion rooted in self-respect and self love.

Why should you be assertive?

Ask yourself do you feel happy with always letting others have their way with you? Do you never feel resentful? Do you feel loved and appreciated? Don't you get irritated with yourself for not being able to say “NO” when you really want to? A person who’s not assertive may seem calm on the surface but has a simmering resentment brewing within him/her. There’s a hidden anger against oneself and others. Unassertive behavior is not only hazardous for an individual’s own health but also for his/her relationships.

Being assertive can make your life and relationships far more fulfilling. You’ll be able to speak your mind without waiting for others to read it. You will feel loved and appreciated and not used by others. You will be able to say “NO” when you want to, without feeling guilty about it. Being assertive will teach you to how to love yourself and be more loving towards others.

How to be more assertive?

Take conscious steps to be more assertive

If you’ve always been an unassertive person, you may have difficulty in figuring out the difference between assertion and aggression. You may not be able to understand which situations call for assertiveness. Therefore you will initially need to make conscious attempts to be assertive. You can ask yourself the following questions whenever you are confronted with a difficult situation

“Am I being unfair to myself?”

“Will saying yes make me feel angry, deflated or upset?”

“Is this person’s behavior hurting me?”

If the answer to any of these questions is “yes”, you know the situation calls for assertiveness.



Positive Affirmations

You can’t change your attitude and natural reactions in a day. Your instinctive reactions depend on your beliefs and your beliefs are shaped by your experiences and cognitive conditioning. So if you have always been told that caring for others’ needs and wants is more important than what you want then that’s what you'll end up believing. Since cognitive conditioning is only a set of patterned ideas and messages which are thrown at us repeatedly, it is possible to de-condition ourselves and learn new ideas and beliefs. Positive affirmations can be of help here.

Make up your own affirmations or repeat the following in front of a mirror everyday:

“I love and accept myself the way I am”

“I have the right to express my feelings”

“It’s easy for me to speak up for myself”

“I have the right not to take responsibility for others people’s actions and problems”

“It’s safe for me to say “NO” when I want to”

Repeat these affirmations as often as you can or follow a week by week program, in which you can focus on one affirmation per week. You can also write these affirmations down on a piece of paper and repeat them as often as you can.

Being assertive is not a selfish act but an act of self-love. Once you start being assertive you'll notice a change in your personality and relationships. When you start expressing yourself openly, you start sharing your true self with your loved ones.

Motivation & Self Improvement 4u - 5

A Smile From The Heart


Does a smile given or received have any effect on others?

One thing we know for sure, when we are giving a smile away it usually means we are in a happy state of mind. When we receive one, no matter what the mood we may be in, it mellows and softens the heart. So what does this mean? It shows that people are connected both directly and indirectly.

There have been numerous studies conducted with respect to the effects of a smile. The researchers involved have been curious to ascertain if one person in a group smiles can it actually stimulate others within that group to smile as well? This is an experiment you can try for yourself. Next time you are on an elevator with several other people, smile at the person next to you and see what happens. Then perhaps smile at someone else as well. This is a great exercise, with great results. In fact, it may bring a smile to your face whenever you think about it.

In many ways, humans are both compassionate and caring. Often we react as per our environment, and not our personalities. Usually an irritable individual finds it a little more difficult to remain in that state when they are with someone who is happy and smiling. Have you ever been in the presence of a person who is smiling and happy and they have done something to make you smile although smiling is the last thing you wanted to do? Research actually shows that your happy friend can increase your chances of being happy by 9%, but that unhappy one can bring you down by 7%. That just shows you the type of effect that other people can have on us. A negative environment will spawn negativity, and a positive environment will do just the opposite.

Another interesting factor is that in order to benefit from another’s happiness you must be close to them in order to have a reaction to their happy emotional energy. Again, you can give this some thought. Think about a friend who is usually always happy and bubbly. You can talk to them on the phone and no matter what; they always make you feel good. You look forward to the time when you can be in their company again because of the way they make you feel. When you are with them, you enjoy their company since they make you smile. So being in close proximity really does strengthen the emotional bond. Exposure to a bright happy smile most certainly is contagious. It is probably adaptive and healthy that human beings can react to other’s emotions so well and so fast.

Motivation & Self Improvement 4u - 4

Positive thinking to keep a boomer’s heart healthy

Heart attack is one of most dangerous serial killers in the world and women are more prone to becoming its victims. We all know that this killer prefers attacking those with an unhealthy and sedentary lifestyle. But did you know that negative thinking also makes you more vulnerable to heart attacks? Yes, your habit of constantly worrying, expecting the worst, fretting over every small thing can actually invite heart diseases into your life!

How does negative thinking affect your heart’s health?

Researchers at the University of Kentucky found that patients who had negative thinking patterns, such as thoughts about not being able to justify their own existence, were at higher risk for developing depression. Heart patients with depression were shown to have more complications, including a higher risk of death!

Your negative thoughts increase your stress levels and prevent you from focusing on attaining good health. When you are more focused on how unfit you are or how unfulfilling your life is, you are unlikely to take steps to improve your health. A negative thought pattern promotes a pessimistic and fatalist attitude.

Spiritually, negative thoughts are believed to affect the heart directly. Symbolically your heart stands for your ability to love. Therefore, holding yourself back from freely receiving and giving love can also cause heart problems.

Therefore in order to keep your heart healthy you must try to think positive. Positive thinking does not just mean expecting the best from life. It also means looking for good in everyone and giving up on your cynicism. Positive thinking includes positive self talk, i.e. believing in yourself and appreciating yourself for who you are. It stands for adopting a new approach to life, an approach which helps you find mental peace and satisfaction.

How to think Positive?

Thinking positive is probably easier said than done. Often when we try to think positive our mind plays spoil sport. It seems to control us and sneaks in negative thoughts and worries at every opportunity. If only we could learn to control our thoughts, we would be able to control our minds, instead of it working the other way round! It’s not that difficult a task, if we adopt the right approach. The following tips may help.

Make conscious efforts to avoid negative thinking: We get so used to our negative thinking pattern that sometimes we don’t even realize when we slip into it. However, whenever you do realize that have fallen into the trap of negative thinking, consciously divert your mind to something positive, unrelated to your present negative thought. For instance if you catch yourself worrying about losing your job, stop yourself and divert your attention to an enjoyable game or recently watched movie. Because of your habitual thinking patterns, it may be difficult for you to suddenly start expecting the best out of every situation; in such cases it’s better to first learn to stop yourself from negative thinking by consciously distracting your mind.

Positive Affirmations: Telling yourself that you expect the best from life and looking for the silver lining in every situation will help bring about a shift in your perception. The logic is simple, if you are told throughout your life that you are a bad dancer, no matter how much potential you have you’ll eventually start viewing yourself as someone with two left feet, without even trying to learn how to dance! Similarly if you tell yourself repeatedly that you have full faith in yourself and expect the best from every situation, it will become your truth.

The following affirmations can help you adopt an approach of positive thinking towards life:

“I love and appreciate myself” (This affirmation helps you get rid of the pattern of negative self-talk)

“It’s safe for me to express my feelings” (This helps you overcome the negative thinking pattern which makes you fear other people’s reactions to your feelings)

“I deserve to love and be loved” (This frees you from the negative thoughts like “I don't deserve to be loved” or “I am not good enough”)

“I trust life to bring the best to me” (This frees you from your habit of expecting the worst from life)

“I now attract kind and loving people into my life” (This will help you look for good in everyone and overcome your cynical attitude)

Keep yourself busy- You may have observed that you tend to think more when you have nothing to do, however if you keep yourself busy, you won't have time to dwell on negatives. Nurturing a hobby, learning something new, exercising, reading and listening to music etc are all enjoyable ways of keeping yourself busy. Doing things that you enjoy, will also keep you in a happier frame of mind- and when happy you are more likely to feel optimistic and think positively

Motivation & Self Improvement 4u - 3

How to cheer yourself up?

When blues chase away every color from your life and the merest hint of smile evades you, you desperately need some “happiness tools”! You may be wondering what are these “happiness tools”, well they are simply some do it yourself techniques to bring those bright colors and smiles back into your life!

Try using the following “happiness tools” whenever you need to cheer yourself up:

*Exercise or yoga: When you exercise “feel good chemicals” called endorphins are released in your body. Endorphins induce a feeling of euphoria and change your mood from sad and dark to happy and bright!

*Writing down your blessings- No! It’s not like one of those school punishments where you had to write a hundred times that you would never repeat a mistake again. Penning down your blessings is in fact an enjoyable exercise! When you start counting your blessings it takes your mind away from what you don’t have and focusing on what’s right in your life; changing pessimism into optimism, dread into anticipation.

*Prayer- Remember when you were a child, how comforting it was to know that your parents would take care of your problems. When you pray you become like that child again. Placing your trust and faith in the almighty can help you feel better about any situation. Moreover, every place of worship is infused with positive energy; therefore just visiting can have calming effect on the mind.

*Children- Ever noticed how your face breaks into a smile when you hear a child’s innocent laughter? Or how you can’t stop chuckling when you listen to a child’s far-fetched stories? Children can be the most entertaining companions and the greatest teachers. Your worries disappear into thin air when you become a part of a child’s wonderful world! When you see life from a child’s eyes, it suddenly seems more beautiful! With their disarming innocence children teach us how to live in the moment, how to look for a miracle in everything and most of all how to be happy. Children never fret about what they’ve lost, they may cry over a broken toy or a physical hurt for a few moments and then move on, children are unaware of the concept of ego, they therefore forgive and forget! Even if you don’t have any children, visit a park and observe little children busy in their innocent games; it will cheer you up within minutes!

*Sleep- The clichéd phrase “sleep on it” actually makes a lot of sense! Sleeping gives you a welcome break from stress. You are aware of your blue mood when you are awake, sleeping helps you forget (at least for the time being) the reason for your sorrow. Moreover, sometimes sleeping on a problem actually helps you put it in perspective.

*Take a bath-Water can cleanse not only your body but also your mind. A few drops of essential oils like lavender or sandalwood will help you wash away your stress along with your dark mood.

*Dance- Dancing your blues away is a great way to de-stress. It doesn't matter whether you are a good dancer or not, swaying to music is extremely invigorating. It's an exercise which involves your body, mind and soul. With all three involved in one act, stress can't do much to distract from the pursuit of happiness.

Motivation & Self Improvement 4U - 2

12 Things You Can Do To Be Happy…For A Long Time

What would make you happy? A pay raise? A new romantic relationship? Recovery from an illness? Well you would be right …kind of. Positive events that happen in our lives do enable us to be happy but only for a short time.

Take the case of getting a pay raise. Harvard Professor and author of Stumbling on Happiness Daniel Gilbert explains it this way, “We think money will bring lots of happiness for a long time, and actually it brings a little happiness for a short time." A multi-year study by Heady and Wearing in 1989 showed that the effects of life events kept wearing off by the next year. What’s important is to realize is when we spend our effort pursuing material goods in the belief that they will bring more happiness, we are ignoring other, more effective routes to happiness.

So if positive life events that happen to us don’t bring us lasting happiness then what does? Are there things we could do that would help us be happy for a long time? In her book, The How of Happiness, Sonya Lyubomirsky puts forward twelve strategies that have shown to help increase our happiness level and enable us to be happy for a sustained period of time:

13. Expressing Gratitude
14. Cultivating Optimism
15. Avoiding Overthinking and Social Comparisons
16. Practicing acts of kindness
17. Nurturing Relationships
18. Developing strategies for coping
19. Learning to forgive
20. Doing more activities that truly engage you
21. Savoring Life’s joys
22. Committing to your goals
23. Practicing Religion and Spirituality
24. Taking care of your body

The challenge for most people is sticking to any one or more of these strategies. Before you embark on your pursuit of happiness, Lyubomirsky notes you should pick a strategy that has a good fit with your sources of unhappiness, your strengths and your lifestyle. An achievement oriented-person may get better results pursuing their life goal of completing a marathon (#10) than looking for the best sushi in town (#9).

Why do these strategies work? If practiced diligently, each of these strategies has the potential of generating a stream of positive experiences. People who actively practice either gratitude or optimism over an eight-week period came to regard their routine experiences in positive ways and to find every day events such as commuting to work or cooking dinner more satisfying. These positive interpretations in turn resulted in improvements in well-being.

While working your strategy, it helps to vary the frequency and duration of your activities. As human beings we have a tremendous ability to adapt to any recurring event. The goal is to thwart this natural tendency so we can derive maximum benefit from each activity every time over a long period. Consider getting friends, family involved in your mission to be happy. If you are alone in your quest, Cheergiver.com is a good place to get encouragement, feel better and to connect with others with similar goals.

In time, your strategies and activities will turn into habits. What might be awkward steps to take at the beginning will turn into effortless strides later on. So why wait to be happy. You don’t have to wait for your circumstances to change. You have everything you need to be happy within you right now. So make a decision to be happy and start today!

Motivation & Self Improvement - 1

Giving Encouragement At Any Age

World renowned motivational speaker Zig Ziglar tells the story of an eleven year old boy he met after giving a speech. After studying the boy for a few minutes, Ziglar looked him in the eye and said, "I can see that you are definitely a winner." A short time later, Ziglar received a letter from the boy. It seems his grades had improved, his teachers were treating him better, and he had a lot more friends. Nothing fundamentally changed in the boy’s circumstances except for the fact that he had been given some encouragement from someone he respected. That was all that he needed to change his life.
The most memorable gift my father has ever given me was when he told me he was proud of me. I was 32. The effect was profound. For the whole day, I felt like a little kid. I felt I could take on the world. That all the stresses, challenges and fears were things I could overcome. Just a few simple phrases were all the encouragement that I needed to lift my spirits. My dad was never a talker, he was never into sports and never encouraged me to play sports, so he never had the opportunity to cheer me on to hit harder or run faster. But my dad is a hard worker, a good provider and a good companion to my mother, whom he has been with for over the last forty years and when he said those words of encouragement, I felt I had already won every game I had ever played in my life.
It’s never too late to give encouragement. If you have kids, I encourage you to continue to bless them with words of encouragement them even after they’ve become adults. Often all the encouragement they need is the knowledge that someone believes in them. It isn't hard to provide verbal encouragement for your kids. It just takes a commitment to seeing and talking about the great things they do in their work, their attitude towards life, their ability to handle difficult situations, the progress they have made as new parents, and how well they’ve raised their kids.
Because of the encouragement I have received throughout my childhood and adult life from friends and family, I have a developed a deep and profound sense of purpose and confidence in my work and personal life. Those positive experiences have also pushed me to be on the constant lookout for opportunities to give encouragement to those around me. Young or old, wealthy or poor, we all could use some encouragement so try it at www.cheergiver.com. You might find yourself developing a habit of giving encouragement to others.